


flopportunity

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Belly Flops, Drowning (Sort of), Jake's just real bad at swimming lads, Multi, Other, Swimming, Swimming Pools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22683280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: Dirk's a fantastic teacher! Unfortunately for Dirk, this swimming class (AKA the impromptu class he threw together after discovering that all three of his friends could not, in fact, swim for shit) has a few stray bubbles to deal with.
Relationships: Jane Crocker/Jake English/Roxy Lalonde/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 22
Collections: Polyswap Leap Promptfest - Dawn Edition





	flopportunity

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Sartorially](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sartorially/pseuds/Sartorially) in the [Polyswap_Leap_Promptfest_Dawn_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Polyswap_Leap_Promptfest_Dawn_2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Dirk Strider, upon learning that all three of his friends do not actually know how to swim, takes it upon himself to teach them.
> 
> There is a pool, a diving board, and his endless patience in helping the water-uninclined doggy paddle in circles.

There are many approaches to swimming lessons that a teacher can take. There is the slow, patient approach, with much use of floaties and careful teaching. There is the more technique-oriented approach, with major use of dry land and shallow pool ends.

And then, of course, there is the one where the student is thrown directly overboard and expected to "sink or swim".

You, believe it or not, prefer a combination of the first and second—at least, when it comes to swimming, you do. Sink or Swim is a very effective method in many a situation, but in this current one—

"Jake! Get the FUCK off of that diving board before you—god FUCKING dammit—"

—it's probably the least effective of all.

This is, by your count, the fourth time that Jake English has nearly drowned himself completely. You'd had such high hopes for him, too—he lived in a veritable paradise of swimming opportunities, much like Roxy and yourself, only most of his were inland, with less chance of being carried off in random directions by a never-ending sea, unlike yourself and Roxy.

See also: Reasons why you kind of get why Roxy can't swim for shit.

Jane is another matter; you'd figured someone of her standing would have private pools and shit like that, plenty of opportunities to hit the beach and enjoy the bright sun rays, but _apparently_ the Condesce had, for some reason, associated higher swimming abilities with potential threats to her throne, and done her level best to keep Jane from ever learning how to do more than splash around in a kiddie pool. You'd blame Feferi for this one, a little bit, if it weren't for the fact that Meenah is _right_ there and the obvious guilty party in the situation. That, or the Batterwitch was being a narcissist about herself again.

Anyway.

Jake's attempt at catapulting himself face first into the water sends a wave big enough to splash over the edge of the pool, soaking Roxy and Jane _and_ their towels. You'd lecture him for this, but you'd also made the stupid mistake of setting this lesson at an olympic-sized pool, meaning that you're a little too busy diving in to rescue This Idiot from the deep end.

Again.

"No," you tell him, firm and stern, the moment he stops coughing up water and opens his mouth to speak. "Absolutely not."

Jane leans over your shoulder, and you turn up to look at her, ignoring the blush creeping over your neck. "What was he going to ask?"

"I have no clue," you say, and that's not completely true, because you're pretty sure you knew, but then Roxy joined Jane and they brought a clean towel to help dry your hair and your brain just kind of...died. "But does it even matter? I'm not letting him out of my sight again, and all of you are going to come with me to the shallow end so I can teach you the most basic stroke of all time."

Roxy's grinning; they know the answer to the question but they've always loved a good setup anyway. "And what's that?"

"The doggy paddle," you say, and ignore groans from the cat-inclined Jane. "And we're staying there until Jake learns to stop drowning."

It's going to be a very, _very_ long day.

Good thing you're a patient man.

...and maybe good thing you've got attractive friends who wear very pretty bathing suits.


End file.
